It was the summer of 1994, and I was attending a wedding reception in Pennsylvania. I’m next in line at the bar, and I can hear the conversation the guy in front of me is having with the bartender.
GUY: Man, it is awful hot.
BARTENDER: Yeah, it’s all the damn fat people in here.
Both guys get a good laugh. I am still somewhat chuckling myself at the joke as I step up to the bar. The bartender takes one awkward look at me and begins to apologize.
BARTENDER: Hey, I’m sorry, man. That was rude. I didn’t see you there.
Time stood still for a second. Holy crap! *I* was one of the people he was making fun of.
It was the first time I realized that I was fat.
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MY HISTORY
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You would think that single moment would have been enough to trigger some crazed workout binge, but, of course, it did not. Oh, I probably lost some weight after that, but the pounds always came back – and then some.
I graduated college weighing 265 pounds. Even so, college had been safe. I pretended I was on my own, but living on campus every year (a requirement) was rather like playing house without actually having to worry about cooking food, paying bills, or any of the other real life stuff. Classes were a joke, so we spent our free time running around campus or playing sports – in other words, still very active.
The REAL problem came when I went off to law school that fall. It was the first time I was truly on my own. No cafeteria. No dorms. I had to shop and cook for myself, something I wasn’t used to nor had the time for. Thanks to the countless hours spent at the library every night, I had no real chance for success. Where it had taken me five years of college to gain 50 pounds, I accomplished that feat in just one year of law school. I might have become an honorary customer at McDonalds had the new Jack in the Box not opened just down the street.
I married my college sweetheart after that first year. I weighed 315 pounds. Although I would occasionally drop 10-20 pounds when I’d get the fitness bug over the next few years, I remained somewhat steady at my “comfortable” 315 pounds.
Fastforward five years to October, 2002. I had just ended a job in Arizona and was traveling back to Pennsylvania for another wedding. I was going to see a lot of close college friends who hadn’t seen me in years. I woke up the day of the wedding, and nothing fit. Nothing. Somehow in the two months after my contract at work had ended, I found myself 30 pounds heavier. I still can’t explain it (See picture below.)
But there I was, scrambling to buy new pants at a Big & Tallstore in time for the wedding I was seeing old friends too. 345 pounds. Ahhhh. I was more than embarrassed. That was my turning point. I wore those pants that one day and never fit into them again!
I started the very day I got home from my trip back East. I lost about 60 pounds over the next year and learned a lot about fitness and being healthy. Satisfied, I allowed myself to become complacent. I fluctuated 10-20 pounds in either direction for most of the time since.
Once I crossed back over the 300 mark (early 2007), I began to question once again what I was doing with my life. This website project was the answer I came up with.
I started a new program, consisting of eating well, a combination of weights and interval cardio, and this blog. The added accountability was amazing, resulting in me hitting a new recent low of 251.6 on October 8, 2007 before beginning to creep back up. I had a lot of excuses for the collapse. Pick one. I had the added stress of no job combined with huge financial worries. I was struggling just to keep my house and raise my two girls while my wife was going to school full time. Ultimately, I got very little sleep as a result. Add in a horrible January filled with injuries that kept me sidelined, and you begin to see the picture. I stopped far short of my 365 day goal. After having climbed over the 50 pound loss mark, I finally limped into the finish line after a full year at 285.8, down just 22 pounds. The end result of MVP 365 wasn’t jaw dropping, but it did teach me a lesson or three and helped in formulating the sequel to that effort.
MVP2.0 ended before it began. My second attempt failed at 57 days. Once again, it was largely due to injury. One thing after another finally killed my fighting spirit. First an unexplained hand problem kept me from picking anything up for a full month. Eating was even difficult. My wife thinks it was gout. The millions of doctors I saw had no clue. The very day I felt better and tried to regroup, I sprained my ACL, keeping me off my feet for another month plus. Within a week of feeling 100%, I developed a dangerous blot clot that had me limping around and mostly off my feet completely (doctor’s orders). Not a fun string of events, but it beat me up just enough that I gave up – again. I gained much of the weight I had lost back and consequently fell into a bit of depression.
When I give up, I REALLY give up. And I did. I wallowed in self-pity and ignorance. Hitting 325 in early December 2009 was a wake-up call of sorts. We had just been to a park where a classmate of my 8 year old daughter came up and blurted out that I needed to “eat more vegetables”. He then went on to explain that I really didn’t look to be in too great of shape. It really hit home that I was hurting my daughter, giving other kids fodder to say mean things to her - ABOUT HER DAD! She hasn’t heard anything like that at school, but obviously it is just a matter of time. Gut check time. Enter MVP3.0.
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THE PRESENT
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Everything in my life is affected by my weight.
I hate going out and meeting new people. Swimming with the family? Forget it. I fear the very word ‘amusement park’. I avoid booths at restaurants if I can help it, sometimes making up elaborate excuses just to sit at a table where I will have more room (provided there aren’t arm rests). Only 1 out of 100 family pictures include me. I won’t buy new clothes. I have no energy to run around with my daughter at the park. I am probably discriminated against when applying for a job. I get constant stomach aches. I am winded walking to the mailbox. I sweat.
More importantly, I was in the hospital in November 2005 for a pulmonary embolism that nearly killed me.
Get the picture? I understand fat people because I am one, even if I rarely felt that way in my head.
I don’t know how more simply I can put this. My body will begin to break down, and I will die if I do not make changes in my life – NOW.
[UPDATE: This was the prologue to MVP1.0. It is still very much relevant. Despite the addition of weekly softball games, I am still largely inactive and needing desperately to lose the fat. As such, I have decided to make no changes to the present analysis.]
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MY FUTURE
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I have talked about doing a website like this for a long time. Accountability has always been a strong motivator. I don’t think it can get any more public than this.
This site will chronicle the next 365 days as I follow a strict workout and nutrition plan. I will update my weight every Monday and update my body measurements the 7th of each month. I will also be taking regular pictures in order to track my progress visually. The pictures will be largely for me though, and may not be a public part of the wensite. No one needs (or wants) to see the underwear shots with my belly hanging out.
I look forward to friends and family, as well as complete strangers, following my progress, keeping me honest, and supporting me through this process. Maybe I will even motivate others to make similar changes. In my first attempt, I allowed the negativity of a few people to derail me. That isn’t going to happen again. This has everything to do with getting healthy – my way. I understand there are different views on how best to approach fat loss, but this is the path I have chosen. It is the most efficient and effective approach in my opinion. If you disagree – no problem, but I won’t entertain your thoughts. If you can’t say ”good luck” or “great job”, then go elsewhere. I have no room in my life or this process for negativity.
I truly have no idea what I can accomplish in a full year of working hard. My overall goal is to lose 91 pounds. That is 2.0 pounds per week for the first six months and an additional 1.5 pounds per week for the second half of the year. I expect I could lose more than that initially, but I wanted something realistic and attainable, taking into account the inevitable plateaus and slower weight loss I will likely see as I get closer to my goal. I am starting at 321.8 pounds, so I am expecting to end at 230.8. That would be an amazing feat and represent a 19 year low for me, taking me back to freshman year at college.
I know I could more easily hit my weight loss goals if I were to drop my calories too low, run hours on end each day, or cut off various bodyparts, but I am not in some sort of Biggest Loser contest. I would prefer to be healthy after this is over - and not simply lighter. The real goal, although not specifically stated, is FAT loss, not weight loss. I would prefer to retain as much muscle as possible through a hard lifting program.
All I know with certainty is that I will be significantly healthier on December 7, 2010.
At my worst ...345 pounds (10.19.02)